How to solve a wine emergency? Below are some theoretical questions, answered with lightening speed by Wine-Medic (aka yours truly,) advice columnist extraordinaire...
Q:
Dear Wine-Medic,
Five seconds ago, my clumsy boyfriend spilled red wine all over my lovely light blue dress. It was a gift from my grandmother on her death bed. What can I do!? HELP!
- Seething and Dripping
A:
Dear, S.A.D,
Grab the baking soda. QUICK! There is literally no time to spare. I wish you hadn't taken so much time writing to me. Rip that dress off. Sprinkle it liberally with the baking soda, and don't miss any of the red wine spots. Don't let it dry- at all! In fact, now get the spots damp and let the baking soda keep doing its thing. Now, throw it in a sink of cold water, gently rubbing the baking soda into the stains. Rinse well and dry. That stain should be gone. No need to banish old CBF to the sofa tonight. Congrats.
Q:
Dear Wine-Medic,
My husband and I have been saving a very special bottle of wine for our anniversary. But when we went to pop the cork, it broke off in the bottle. What can we do?
-Thirsty on Our Special Day
A:
Dear Thirsty,
Fear not. It takes some doing, but all will be just fine. Grab your trusty (and preferably quite sharp) corkscrew and softly and gently screw it down into what is left of the cork in the bottle. Now, if the cork nubbin is still quite long, you may be able to screw it in enough to pull the rest out without breaking through the bottom of the cork. If not, it's still ok. Do what you gotta do to get that cork out.
Now that the cork is free, get a funnel and some cheesecloth if you have them handy, if not, a strainer will do just fine. Grab your trusty decanter, lay the cheesecloth down inside the funnel, and pour that deliciously special wine through the cheesecloth and into the decanter. You should now have all of the cork remnants left on the cheesecloth and your wine is saved!
If you need to wimp out and not drink the entire bottle (pshaw, I say,) then give your bottle a rinse, shake all of the water out, and pour your wine back into the bottle, putting the stopper back in. This isn't ideal because you're introducing more oxygen into the wine, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
As a side note, storing your bottles on their sides will help keep those corks from drying out and that'll keep this from happening in the future. A sharp corkscrew helps too!
Enjoy. And felicitations!
Q:
Dear Wine-Medic,
I spilled red wine on my host's lovely carpet. What do I do? Help! This is why I never get invited to dinner parties! I'm NOT graceful. I want to be discreet before anyone notices!
-Klutzy Loser
A:
Dear KL,
Well, if you have baking soda, see above. If not, and discretion is a priority, grab the salt shaker. Go! Fast!
Pour salt all over that spot. Gently pat it into the wine. It should help draw the liquid out. Dab your napkin into your water glass, and gently blot away the salt and the stain. Voila. All should be good. Also, take some deep, cleansing breaths. Clearly, people like you, despite your lack of grace, or you wouldn't get invited out. Have some self-confidence! People like you. They really like you!
Q:
Dear Wine-Medic,
I was just invited to an impromptu pre-dinner drink at the home of a girl I really like. She asked me to bring white wine, but it isn't cold. It is July and sweltering outside. What can I do?
-Feeling the Heat
A:
Dear Heat,
Don't sweat. Grab that bottle, a mixing bowl, and pop over to McDonald's on your way to her house. Buy a bag of ice for $1. As soon as you get to her house, put that ice in the bowl with some water, drop the bottle in, and in about 10 min, you'll have a bottle that is cold enough to sip in the heat. After 20, it'll be as good as from the fridge! Use those 10 minutes to dazzle her with your sparkling wit- the wine will just be icing on the cake.
Q:
Dear Wine-Medic,
Dinner is in 2 hours and I'm out of wine. What do I do?
-Frantic
A:
Dear Frantic,
Go buy more. Duh. And get a few bottles. This will save you from having to send me the same dumb letter tomorrow.
If you have any legit questions for Wine-Medic, leave them in the comments!
Cheers.
Q:
Dear Wine-Medic,
Five seconds ago, my clumsy boyfriend spilled red wine all over my lovely light blue dress. It was a gift from my grandmother on her death bed. What can I do!? HELP!
- Seething and Dripping
A:
Dear, S.A.D,
Grab the baking soda. QUICK! There is literally no time to spare. I wish you hadn't taken so much time writing to me. Rip that dress off. Sprinkle it liberally with the baking soda, and don't miss any of the red wine spots. Don't let it dry- at all! In fact, now get the spots damp and let the baking soda keep doing its thing. Now, throw it in a sink of cold water, gently rubbing the baking soda into the stains. Rinse well and dry. That stain should be gone. No need to banish old CBF to the sofa tonight. Congrats.
Q:
Dear Wine-Medic,
My husband and I have been saving a very special bottle of wine for our anniversary. But when we went to pop the cork, it broke off in the bottle. What can we do?
-Thirsty on Our Special Day
A:
Dear Thirsty,
Fear not. It takes some doing, but all will be just fine. Grab your trusty (and preferably quite sharp) corkscrew and softly and gently screw it down into what is left of the cork in the bottle. Now, if the cork nubbin is still quite long, you may be able to screw it in enough to pull the rest out without breaking through the bottom of the cork. If not, it's still ok. Do what you gotta do to get that cork out.
Now that the cork is free, get a funnel and some cheesecloth if you have them handy, if not, a strainer will do just fine. Grab your trusty decanter, lay the cheesecloth down inside the funnel, and pour that deliciously special wine through the cheesecloth and into the decanter. You should now have all of the cork remnants left on the cheesecloth and your wine is saved!
If you need to wimp out and not drink the entire bottle (pshaw, I say,) then give your bottle a rinse, shake all of the water out, and pour your wine back into the bottle, putting the stopper back in. This isn't ideal because you're introducing more oxygen into the wine, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
As a side note, storing your bottles on their sides will help keep those corks from drying out and that'll keep this from happening in the future. A sharp corkscrew helps too!
Enjoy. And felicitations!
Q:
Dear Wine-Medic,
I spilled red wine on my host's lovely carpet. What do I do? Help! This is why I never get invited to dinner parties! I'm NOT graceful. I want to be discreet before anyone notices!
-Klutzy Loser
A:
Dear KL,
Well, if you have baking soda, see above. If not, and discretion is a priority, grab the salt shaker. Go! Fast!
Pour salt all over that spot. Gently pat it into the wine. It should help draw the liquid out. Dab your napkin into your water glass, and gently blot away the salt and the stain. Voila. All should be good. Also, take some deep, cleansing breaths. Clearly, people like you, despite your lack of grace, or you wouldn't get invited out. Have some self-confidence! People like you. They really like you!
Q:
Dear Wine-Medic,
I was just invited to an impromptu pre-dinner drink at the home of a girl I really like. She asked me to bring white wine, but it isn't cold. It is July and sweltering outside. What can I do?
-Feeling the Heat
A:
Dear Heat,
Don't sweat. Grab that bottle, a mixing bowl, and pop over to McDonald's on your way to her house. Buy a bag of ice for $1. As soon as you get to her house, put that ice in the bowl with some water, drop the bottle in, and in about 10 min, you'll have a bottle that is cold enough to sip in the heat. After 20, it'll be as good as from the fridge! Use those 10 minutes to dazzle her with your sparkling wit- the wine will just be icing on the cake.
Q:
Dear Wine-Medic,
Dinner is in 2 hours and I'm out of wine. What do I do?
-Frantic
A:
Dear Frantic,
Go buy more. Duh. And get a few bottles. This will save you from having to send me the same dumb letter tomorrow.
If you have any legit questions for Wine-Medic, leave them in the comments!
Cheers.
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